WAKE UP AFRICAN PARENTS

Please, I am not an expert on parenting; this is just my opinion and 2 cents. We learn every day; if you disagree, drop a comment. If you have an idea we, as parents, can learn from, please feel free to sha re your idea. Secondly, I don’t support Chidera’s action and still believe the family needs to go for  therapy; thank you.   

I have been following this Chidera story to see what I can learn from it as a parent. I must say the amount of support and love the youth are showing him on Twitter is unbelievable and heartwarming. God bless them; they are wired differently from us adults. From what I was reading on Twitter, I think they have set up a gofundme page for him; one of them even said he must go to the university. My kids confirmed they are contributing their pocket money to his gofundme account. I am not in support of how he reacted, but I am proud of these kids honestly for their show of support; even if they don’t understand what is going on make, I know the lie. I don’t know what the true situation is with the family; all I will say is to lift them up in prayers. Also, the family has a lot of underlying issues that need to be addressed; the best advice anyone can give them is to seek external help. Yesterday I was strolling the streets of Twitter, and the amount of dragging our kids were doing about our parenting; according to them “Nigerian way of parenting” is worrisome; in fact, one said we, the youths, will single-handedly change the way they parent us hmmmmm. These are not just Ireland kids but Nigerian kids all over the world responding to Chidera’s tweets. Truthfully, it really breaks my heart to read some of their stories of how their parents treat them. That they even feel this kind of way is sad, they have a lot of resentment and animosity towards us parents, and it breaks my heart. 

I remember the last time in Nigeria, I was telling a friend our parents did their best and what they knew then to raise every one of us, but did they do the right thing? Yes, academically and otherwise, we are doing well, but some of us have deep issues with violence, aggression and anger 80% of the time, and it’s due to our upbringing and environment, and sadly we are raising our kids the same way. Am I saying don’t discipline your kids? A big NO. I punish my kids God help me, I can punish for Africa. I was so strict with TEVIN at a time he used to see me as Satan himself and a witch, there was a day a total stranger saw me slap him, and the man had to walk up to me and say madam do you realise he is a man, do you know if you weren’t his mum he can beat you up? By the time this stranger finished talking to me, I was humbled. I immediately changed and started treating him as an adult, and look at us today we be paddy for jungle 🤣. I used to be a shouter and beater when they were much younger until I began to notice they were scared of me; when anything happens, and I enter the room, they start shaking; you could see the fear in them. I had to re-strategise, and it worked like magic. What did I do, you may ask? I started having conversations instead of shouting, I started giving them opportunities to explain their side of the story, I started listening more, I started treating them with more respect, I stopped YOU MUST and started using I will APPRECIATE if you do it like this or do this and I give them reasons why they should. Also, I started respecting their opinions more and taking them seriously. I learnt how to say I am sorry over and over again. I can tell them sorry for Africa shaaa 🤣 and I began to see changes in them, and they began to open up more today; we discuss every and anything, no more hiding. Does that mean I am perfect as a parent? NO, in fact, I am still struggling with so many things, I am a work in progress. Parents, please learn to talk to your kids with respect and learn to let go of authority a little. We must not be our parents; don’t let anyone tell you why you dey spoil your children, or we no be oyinbo. Let me tell you a little story about when I took my kids to Nigeria; there was a day I was taking them to the Lekki conservation park, I told them guys get ready; we are going out, and the next thing is WHERE ARE WE GOING TO? I ignored them out of fun, but they didn’t see me smiling and kept going. Someone standing close to me was like why dem they ask where una dey go (he was clearly shocked at their boldness), and I had to explain that they had a right to know where I was taking them to. I called them and explained where I was taking them to end of story. The way we were brought up, dem, no born us well to question our mama and papa in-fact Na community go settle the matter 🤣🤣🤣the person go learn something that day I hope. 

I know it is not easy to raise kids in this present day but let us try our best and start treating them as people with opinions and talk to them always. I know it’s not easy, but try and reduce the shouting, don’t just shove things at them; ask them what they think, come down to their level and after every discussion, make them understand you respect their opinions and contributions, but as a family, you have the final say, and this is how it will be done, that way you have carried them along. It is easier for us to punch, slap, and shout but does it really work? Learning to punish them instead of beating them may not be easy, though, but it is doable. This incident is an opportunity to have a conversation with your kids. They all know and have seen the video and those that are old enough to be on Twitter are there saying things they can not say to you. I had a conversation with my kids, and I told them their anger shouldn’t get to this level, I explained that I know I can be a typical African mother at times and react in a certain way, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love them. I made them understand if there is a problem, they should come to me, and if I can’t handle it, we will seek external help. Talk to them always biko. Never provoke or treat your kids in a way that there is a disconnect between you and them. 

ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS, VIOLENCE BREAKS AND DESTROYS BUT SAYING THE RIGHT WORD FIX THINGS - POD